Rhino's Ramblings - The Call For Peace

Phjoto from 1000 Good Deeds Facebook Page

Phjoto from 1000 Good Deeds Facebook Page

By Robert Thomas - Opinion/Commentary

It came as a special request from someone in the community and that being I was asked to push for the same size when it came to the Mac The Moose crisis. 

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the crisis, it just recently became well known that there was a major conspiracy in of all places Norway to knock Mac The Moose off of his coveted title of the World’s Biggest Moose.

It really wasn’t anything new as Mac had commented to the media way back in 2015. Mac at that time said he was happy with being the second largest in the world. Something seemed strangely missing from our beloved Mac back in 2015, He was resigned to spending his days in second place and enjoying a much quieter retirement.

But in 2019 he spoke out having regained the spirit of who he once truly was.

Some people were even whispering it had something to do with his being unceremoniously painted numerous times in a nether region and steps to snip the problem in the bud which left Mac without the hmmmmm to do something about it.

So then once it all became public and the awful truth spread like wildfire about the second class status something in Moose Jaw's behemoth mascot fired up. Mac came back with the same pride and dignity he once possessed. 

After so many years the great solitary colossus out on the Trans-Canada Highway spoke with thunder. Mac is about to grow a larger set of antlers and be the biggest moose in the world once again.

It was a massive voice driven seemingly from within a new youthful Mac who spoke seemingly regained his youthful pride having got his moxie and mojo back.

“I am going to be the biggest in the world once again,” was the substance of Mac's news conference as it was announced to the impatiently waiting world press. The plan was for Mac to grow a larger set of antlers which I’m thinking had to be triggered by some inner sense of being after 30 years standing alone. 

It is time to face it, the announcement of Mac's speaking after almost four long years as a second string moose up along the Trans-Canada Highway, finally put more pride in this community then anything notorious ever will it seems. It excited late night US TV and is sure to help tourism by putting Moose Jaw on a few electronic maps.

It all leaves me thinking are we in for a war with Norway? What will be their reaction? Will Mac be subjected to a massive bombardment of Arctic Norwegian weather fired from some super secret weather gun or worse yet will Norway really retaliate with their hometown ringer and have Julenissen, St Nicholas or Santa step in? 

Can you really imagine it if Norwegian born – or at least they claim in another battle with their Scandinavian neighbours – Saint Nick stands up for his kin folk? How can Moose Jaw and or beloved Mac stand up to such fire power? Are we going to form some secret alliance with other pretenders to Santa's hometown and fight back? 

This thing could really get out of hand. 

With Mayor Fraser Tolmie officially taking a posture of Norway started this and we will be successful at all costs in making Mac number one again or Make Mac Great Again are we getting in way too deep? 

Perhaps it truly is time to just sit back and truly think about it all and relax. 

We all know from own childhood experiences Mac is by far superior to that steroid infused Chinese bred and born chromium monster up along some Norwegian highway. With the temperatures frigid this week I’m betting sticking your tongue on that chrome Norwegian elk is going to be a far more unpleasant experience than jumping the fence up by Tourism Moose Jaw and planting a great big kiss on Mac. 

With the Tide pod challenge out there having someone do the unthinkable at -40 C is not unfathomable in this day and age in my opinion.

Perhaps we can just leave it at that. When it is forty below people who kiss Mac stick around the Band City because of our hospitality while in Norway they stick around until Spring or is it Summer? Or whenever it gets warm up there and they can safely remove their tongue…..

But as Moose Jaw prepares for war and the battle cries of “Make Mac Great Again” there is a voice of compromise arising in the background in none other than our own “1000 Good Deeds Guy” Clayton Finnell. Moose Jaw's former Citizen of the Year is set to address Council this Monday evening and shock not only Moose Javians but maybe an entire nation with what he has to say.

Like some Henry Kissinger from out of the wilderness, Clayton is going to say two simple words which have shocking reverberations as the City prepares for war someplace in a basement bunker deep under the street on the corner of Fairford and Main. 

What two words Clayton is prepared to tell Council are “same size” and we have already won the war. It is time to be Moose Javians and simply make our Mac the same size as the elk in Norway and leave it at that. 

I’m expecting a speech pointing out how it is the City of Moose Jaw owns Mac and it’s time we end the talk from those in the community calling for victory at all costs and do the responsible thing – compromise. By doing so we do not lose our souls to an unhealthy competition where in the end we are no longer the Friendly City but something much more notorious. 

And Clayton might be on to something there given if we ignite the entire country of Norway and their sovereign wealth fund now valued at $1 trillion to spend in this fight we are going to lose. We have already made our point, we have won the war and if the Norwegians come here it’s to beg for peace and who knows perhaps reparations as well. 

We can show the Norwegians and the world our city and the good things we have and make peace at the same time. The question is can the man dedicated to 1000 good deeds make the speech of a lifetime something of Nobel quality and then diplomacy and common sense win out?

It is going to be the highlight of the evening.

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